


Meditations

by abovetheskies



Series: Meditations of a Jedi Knight [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Family, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jedi, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Meditation, Other, Post-Order 66, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 09:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11124585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abovetheskies/pseuds/abovetheskies
Summary: In the beginning of his solitude on Tatooine, Obi-Wan Kenobi needs to clear his mind. But when the Force is with you, you are never truly alone... this is one moment, out of many.





	Meditations

The howling of strong winds outside the stone dwelling would have been worrying to most. After all, it is common knowledge that tempestuous winds are most often cold, exceedingly wet, and, if one was unlucky, accompanied by fever and days of coughing.

But the winds in the Jundland Wastes were dry, sweltering, and surprisingly sticky after a long day’s work. It was the simple relief of being able to shed his outer cloak, and the comfortable absence of sand pelting him from all sides that loosened his guard just enough to allow him a moment of silent meditation.

For that Obi-Wan Kenobi was grateful, for he had not been able to meditate for the first and last five days he had begun residing in his new home. Shedding his cloak and carefully brushing the dust off the fabric, he neatly draped it over the stool in the corner before taking a seat in the center of the cooler floor, crossing his legs in customary fashion.

The Jedi master sighed. _This should not be difficult_. But the heat was making it harder, and the moment Obi-Wan closed his eyes the stifling temperatures whisked him back to the Mustafar System and his duel with Anakin. Blast these desert temperatures.

Oh, Anakin. _Ani._ No, no longer that talented, powerful young Skywalker- Vader. Darth Vader.

A Sith Lord now, and the cause of so many Jedi deaths… lost. What had gone wrong? The Code?  The secret mission?

No, he had to clear his mind. The infiltration of the Dark Side had been betrayal enough. At least the true threat was something he could now see. Now the only thing to do was to continue his duty to the Order, to the benefit of every being in the galaxy, and for the son of his former brother. But the lava, and the heat, and those _burning, horrible screams_ \- and the secret he had kept for so _very long_ -

This was already respite from the atrocious weather that had beenhours earlier, yet he still could not shake it from his memory- though he did not truly desire to do so. “I could have taught him better,” Obi-Wan spoke out loud this time, as if hearing some spoken voice would reassure him further. The sands hummed their incessant reply from outside the closed shutters. “By the Force, I tried, but there had to be something I was- I failed to understand.”

 _You should not blame yourself, Obi-Wan._ Blame the Jedi did not- after all, it was improper and a waste of heart to hold grudges- but that did not remove the feelings that were hurt. Even so, the look in Anakin’s eyes when he had left… perhaps it was another while before forgiveness could be made.

But Kenobi had shown the Sith mercy nevertheless, mercy that very few others would truly understand. Yet he could tell no one of it.  _I know, young one…_

“In the promise I have made, I will not give up.” Obi-Wan took another deep breath, running one hand through his hair before placing it back on his knee, the gesture familiar and comforting. He could feel the Force surrounding him with a new sense of calm determination, and he held onto that with all his being, repeating his dutiful promise like a mantra. Over and over again.

_I will watch over Luke Skywalker, and make sure no harm comes to him before he is ready. There is yet hope for the Jedi. There is serenity._

Though his mind was still cluttered, the passing sandstorm went unnoticed for the first time. It had been far more than half an hour since he’d been seated, for when Obi-Wan cracked open the shutter briefly to check that everything was properly sealed, the twin suns had fully set and the sky was a welcome shade of midnight blue.

_Clarity at last._

Satisfied with the moment of solitude he had been granted, he lit a candle, placing it on the desk and beginning to write. _Obi-Wan…_ A weary smile appeared on Obi-Wan’s face as he kept his journal, recording his thoughts and findings of the week in the worn, yet neat pages of the book. Sometimes, it even felt like his thoughts returned parts of the conversation- though, that was what a cluttered consciousness tended to do to a person.

He had put aside that name too, since landing on Tatooine- so who could call him Obi-Wan now, if not for himself? He hadn’t realized how endearing of a sensation it was before. Ben was getting to be routine now.

_Obi-Wan…_

The journal was a new kind of meditation the Jedi had not thought to explore before. There was a small shift in the air around him as he crossed his living space once more to pick up one of the books he’d taken with him. One of those Master Qui-Gon had passed onto him.

Fondly, he smoothed over the preface notes inked into the first page by Qui-Gon Jinn, remembering the time his Master had gifted him the valuable tome. He’d been only a growing Padawan then, but the words engraved into the blank paper had become a guiding light throughout his life. _Trust in the Force._

Obi-Wan’s thoughts drifted from the Temple to Master Yoda _. In your solitude, training I will have for you_ , his friend had said to him. It was true, more often than not he thought of his former Master, his father figure really. Would he approve? Would he… _was he doing it correctly?_

He had thought it would feel like this before, but actually feeling it was… different. Confusing, in a way. Comforting. Spiritual. Something that gave him hope.

Hope that was finally begin to surround him.

_I miss you as well, my Obi-Wan. Now, turn around…_

_Wait, your what?_

He had been so hurt, so clouded in mind, and yet the relief from his pain had never been so sweet as the familiar long hair and flowing brown robe that appeared before him as he obeyed the softly commanding voice, with a sad smile.

Indeed it had been his Master he had felt, whenever he was close to despair, and he could not refrain from berating himself in silent comfort as he realized this. He had not been alone. He had never been alone, and never would be again. And it was all, so, real.

That voice had been, _was_ , real.

“Obi-Wan, padawan mine…” Qui-Gon’s voice was soft as he looked over the surprised features of that young man he had come to give his heart to. His form fully manifested as their Force bond was strengthened anew- or had come to light- and Obi-Wan’s expression softened. His wise Master had not even aged one day. He was absolutely glowing, if not literally doing so in his spirit form. “I have watched over you for many years. My brave, brave padawan, how far you have come.”

“I’ve missed you, my Master,” Obi-Wan whispered with a growing smile, for experienced as he was, padawan he still felt in the man’s welcome presence. “I’m glad you’re here. And I am sorry about the promise I made.”

Qui-Gon reached a hand towards him, placing those customary hands on his strong shoulders, though he could not feel the sensation in body. He could only be amazed by the will of the Force and Qui-Gon’s presence. It was wholly, unequivocably enough.

“You kept it, all these years. Before I even thought to ask so much of you, I knew you would.”

“And this time, you will stay?”

They exchanged looks. For a moment, Obi-Wan was a young padawan boy, eager to learn as much of the world as he could through his training yet needing of comfort- Qui-Gon the wise, loving Master, always willing to give it. For a moment, it seemed that nothing had changed since then; in a way, that was true.

In a way, Obi-Wan already knew the answer to his question before it left his throat.

“Always.”


End file.
